September 9, 2008

‘Once Upon a Mattress’

This Cher impersonator gig was on the East coast.  When I arrived in town, the booking agent took me directly to the hotel to check in.

As I unpacked, it became quite clear that the insulation in the walls was not sufficient to muffle the party going on next door to me.   I thought “no problem”, I have ear plugs.

As I settle into bed, I quickly discover my ear plugs are on the West coast.  Great!  I tried wedging little balls of facial tissue into my ears, but to no avail.  Additionally, the party going on next door was not the only source of noise pollution.

It turns out the hotel was located in and amongst an elaborate freeway ramp system.  I tried counting cars to lull me to sleep, but I wasn’t being lulled to sleep.  I decided this situation called for drastic measures.

So I lifted the top mattress off the bed and dragged, wedged and squeezed it into the bathroom.  I flattened it out as best I could, slammed the bathroom door and slept peacefully for the remainder of the night, whatever was left of it.