August 9, 2010
I’m Melting, I’m Melting
This “Cher” impersonator gig was a few years ago in coastal city back East. I worked the gig with “Boy George” and “Madonna” (Like a Virgin era) impersonators.
Guests mixed and mingled in the beautiful outdoor patio area of this nightclub/restaurant/bar where water trickled from a center fountain surrounded by elegant food and drink stations. It was a chilly evening so everyone was glad for the patio heaters provided for the comfort of the guests.
While the lure of the Karoke machine was too much of a temptation for “Boy George” and “Madonna”, I opted to huddle with other guests around the patio heaters as the temperature dropped.
When the gig ended, we were limoed back to our hotel. As I de-Chered, I noticed a crusty, flattened area in the back of my black, curly 80s Cher wig. Well - I got a bit more than warmed by the patio heaters. MY WIG MELTED!!!!!!
Fortunately, it was only my wig that melted that night - I must be related to Glinda!
May 31, 2010
‘La Dolce Vita’ - NOT!
Early in my career as a Cher impersonator, I agreed to appear at the opening of a beauty salon in a strip mall; I was just starting out - what did I know! Impersonators hired on this gig - yours truly ‘Cher’, ‘Marilyn Monroe’ and ‘Mae West’ - the living, the dead, and the really dead.
Music blared outside in the parking lot while plastic flags and colorful balloons seemed to flap and bob in unison to the music. Inside the salon, the three of us - Cher, Marilyn and Mae - greeted curious guests, who wandered in after shopping for bird seed and dog biscuits at the pet store next door.
‘Marilyn’ who wore the iconic halter dress (in updated red sequins and matching red boa), while ‘Mae’ could be heard frequently delivering the famous “Why don’t you come up and see me sometime’, and ‘Cher’ in black leather trying to do my best “Whoa Babe!” while flipping my hair, mingled with visitors while they browsed the shampoo displays and nail polish racks. The scene was quite bizarre and could have been the set of a Federico Fellini movie.
Okay - the beauty salon gig was no ‘La Dolce Vita’, but maybe could have had a place at the Oscars - NOT!
March 17, 2010
Sign Sign Everywhere A Sign
One of my early Cher impersonator gigs was participating in a parade, along with ‘Liz Taylor’ and ‘Linda Evans’ impersonators (Shoulder Pads Linda).
It was a beautiful So. California afternoon. Each impersonator was to ride in separate cars. As I approached “my” car, I noticed a rather large sign attached to the side of the car reading “CELEBRITY DOUBLE”. Really! Was this necessary? Suddenly, I felt like a carnival side show. Maybe I’ll stop by the local zoo on my way home and see if they need a new exhibit!
I positioned myself atop the back seat of the convertible as the parade commenced. Feeling embarrassed and humiliated, I reluctantly waved to the onlookers (mostly kids - a tough crowd). A breeze soon kicked up and my big, black curly 80s Cher wig was flailing in all directions. Could things get any worse? Well, it could rain!
Now that I think about it, I wish it had rained - my wig would have stopped flailing, the kids would have gone home and “CELEBRITY DOUBLE” would have dissolved off that blasted sign.
November 27, 2009
Is There A Doctor In The House?
Some years ago at an exclusive desert resort, as ‘Cher’ I worked with ‘Liz Taylor’, ‘Michael Jackson’ and ‘Rocky’ (facial bandages included) impersonators.
The gig involved working the final party on two separate evenings for a company who was introducing and promoting a new heart drug to cardiologists. These events were lavish - each place setting at the dining tables contained no less than eight pieces of silverware; dining chairs covered in what appeared to be gold lame (too bad Elvis had already left the building); chandelier and floral centerpieces standing 3′ tall; and of course, a hosted bar.
Doctors and their wives had been flown in from all over the country to attend a week of daytime business sessions, culminating in the gala affair where everyone was dressed to the nines! Guests dined on seven courses, sipped champagne and danced well into the night.
Fortunately, no one needed a doctor after all the partying, but if they did, there were plenty of them in the house!
February 22, 2009
Party Fit for an Egyptian Princess
This Cher impersonator gig was a costume party thrown annually by a wealthy family on the grounds of their Arabian horse farm. Impersonators hired for the party included ‘Elvis’, ‘George Michael’, ‘Barbra’, ‘Dolly’, ‘Joan Rivers’, and yours truly, ‘Cher’.
As the impersonators and guests arrived in limos, we were served champagne through the car windows by waiters wearing only tight black pants and black bow ties.
When everyone had arrived and were standing around waiting for the guest of honor, our attention was suddenly directed to eight hot-looking guys, carrying a gilded bed on their shoulders, supporting an Egyptian princess - the Guest of Honor, arriving fashionably late.
For the show, an enormous stage had been erected, complete with a first-class light and sound system. The impersonators soon learned, however, that “our stage” was a foot-high riser about the size of a dining room table, located off to the side, complete with plastic lattice-work and an artificial plant. (I am sure Cleopatra never would have allowed plastic lattice-work in her palace!)
It was a wild party as only an Egyptian princess could throw, and would have been the envy of both Bacchus and Dionysus.
October 12, 2008
Tongue ‘n Cheek Nuptials
A few years ago, I did a Cher impersonator gig at an exclusive beach area country club where I was hired to be one of the guests at a wedding, and a Jack Nicholson impersonator was hired to be the “minister”. Seriously!
The bridal couple had actually been legally married at a private ceremony a month prior to this bogus wedding, but the guests were completely unaware. And who better to have at your tongue ‘n cheek nuptials, but ‘Cher’ and ‘Jack’!
As the guests anxiously awaited the arrival of the bride, I entered fashionably late from the back of the room, dressed in black lace and leather (of course), talking in my best Cher voice (“babe”) as I looked for a place to sit. Guests were surprised and excited to see ‘Cher’ and graciously helped me find a seat. Then ‘Jack’ entered carrying a Bible (yes, a Bible) and took his place in front to perform the ceremony.
The event was so well organized and choreographed, guests had no idea the “wedding” was not real, even with the arrival of ‘Cher’ and ‘Jack’. The tongue ‘n cheek nuptials were such success, I think ‘Jack’ is considering performing the ceremony at more “weddings”!
September 9, 2008
‘Once Upon a Mattress’
This Cher impersonator gig was on the East coast. When I arrived in town, the booking agent took me directly to the hotel to check in.
As I unpacked, it became quite clear that the insulation in the walls was not sufficient to muffle the party going on next door to me. I thought “no problem”, I have ear plugs.
As I settle into bed, I quickly discover my ear plugs are on the West coast. Great! I tried wedging little balls of facial tissue into my ears, but to no avail. Additionally, the party going on next door was not the only source of noise pollution.
It turns out the hotel was located in and amongst an elaborate freeway ramp system. I tried counting cars to lull me to sleep, but I wasn’t being lulled to sleep. I decided this situation called for drastic measures.
So I lifted the top mattress off the bed and dragged, wedged and squeezed it into the bathroom. I flattened it out as best I could, slammed the bathroom door and slept peacefully for the remainder of the night, whatever was left of it.
August 18, 2008
‘Cher’ Flips Her Wig
Here’s another story about a Cher impersonator gig at a private country club.
There was no real green room, so the restroom for the club members would serve as my dressing room. I unpacked all my things and started to get into costume when suddenly all the lights went out. Within a few minutes, a maintenance person entered and said power might be restored in 45 minutes. MIGHT be restored! I frantically packed up and looked for someone to find me some kind of dressing room. As I passed through the lobby, guests were starting to arrive.
I was taken downstairs in a freight elevator, led down a ramp and through a long hallway to the employee’s restroom. At least it had lights, even though they were only 25 watt. After getting into costume and touching up my make-up (even though I really couldn’t see what I was doing) I started to prep my big black curly Cher wig. I was holding the base of the Styrofoam head to which it was pinned, when suddenly, as I was brushing the hair on top, the wig and Styrofoam head flew out of my hand, flipped backward and landed upside down in a pile in the corner on the not-so-clean floor.
Gee, what else could happen tonight? How about ‘Elvis’ arriving a half-hour late, smelling like he had been hanging with his buddy, Jack Daniels.
Fortunately, the event went off without further incident, but if the guests had known the chaos that preceded - they would have flipped their wigs!
August 3, 2008
‘Cher’ in the Round
This Cher impersonator gig was a bit unusual in that the audience surrounded me on all sides. The gig was at a country club where a small dance floor (my stage) was set up in the large reception area just inside the club’s main entrance.
On two sides of the dance floor were folding-type chairs. On the third side of the dance floor were a few cocktail tables and chairs, and on the fourth side was a wall with two French doors leading into another room, which contained tables for dining. OK, this is going to be interesting!
I was about 30 seconds into my first song, ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’, when a woman suddenly appeared yelling and vehemently pointing her finger at the wall with the two French doors. This apparently is the international sign language to turn 180 degrees and perform to the people seated on the other side of the wall in the next room through the French doors. Who knew!
Needless to say, I was a bit dizzy at the end of my show.
June 28, 2008
‘Cher’ - The Banker
This Cher impersonator gig was an in-house music video for a mortgage company where I lip-synched to ‘Believe’, but with “new” lyrics recorded by a local singer.
The video depicted a dream sequence of a bank customer who imagines Cher morphing from a bank teller to a disco mortgage banker. As ‘Cher’, I emerge through a curtain of pens and chains (like ones at the bank counter that never have ink) to dance with bank customers.
For the costume, they provided me with a green bustier and blue snakeskin pants (company colors), which were too short, to which they had to add blue sequined material (where is Bob Mackie when you need him!)
With the current mortgage crisis, I wonder if they are now writing new lyrics to ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’!
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